The Big Question
I asked him in the most literal way possible
“What is the point?”
His reply was rather quick which caught me off guard and he was straight to the point.
“To live, breathe, see, touch, feel, experience, etc”
Just so simple and to the point which in that moment I just wanted to hear a good old fashioned
“I don’t know, FUCK it all!”
I had my suitcase packed with a one way ticket to sorrow-town, loathing in pity and depression only he didn’t pack his bag nor did he have a ticket. He had already been there years ago and decided not to visit again, said it was over-rated.
It was in that moment that I realized I am missing the entire point of this thing called life. For 47 years I had played the “I am invincible and nothing will ever happen to me so just go for it no matter what” game. Death certainly wasn’t in the plans let alone a diagnosis that would stump even the smartest Doctors in the country. I knew that people die and I’ve had my fair share of exposure to it but this was still something that set me apart from everyone else…I could never die. It was never written in my story in which I had control over my entire life.
This was beyond my control and I certainly did not write this chapter.
This was something bigger than I was and it was something I certainly could not control.
I began to feel as though I was simply a puppet in someone else’s play and the marionette tugging at the strings allowing me to put one foot in front of the other didn’t give me a copy of the script let alone read it himself.
I was now being controlled by some other entity and was just doing what I was told by all of the Dr’s, specialists and social workers. Scans here and tests there, still no one could answer the big ticket item….
CAN YOU SAVE ME?
This was the big question.
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